Radio (and Rodeo) Norfolk Presenter, Royston (Mr Norwich City Apologist) Waller:
Today our outside broadcast is coming from Wroxham in the heart of the Norfolk Broads as we get live reports on the progress the very first Grokle Mania event. Our first report comes live from Wroxham Bridge where Nobby Dinkling brings us up to date with the Grockle Bridge Ducking Event. Nobby?
Yes, Roy the excitement here is really building up as we wait for the first competitor to reach the bridge and attempt to pass through unscathyed. Just coming into sight now is our first bridge ducker, piloting the aptly named Scouse Sea-Shifter, Little Stevie Scousegit, accompanied by his lovely wife Sally Scousegit. As they approach the bridge, a crowd of locals are gathering on the Wroxham Millenium footbridge to see if Little Stevie can (or indeed will) safely negotiate the first hurdle in what should prove a strength-sapping contest. I think by hanging the microphone over the bridge we may be able to get a word with the Scousegit. Stevie, can we have your thoughts as you approach this first event:
'Ow am ay supposed ter get this boat under dat bridge.?
Well, it looks like Stevie isn't feeling too confident, but let's see how he gets on. Uh oh, looks like the Scouser has made the most elementary of mistakes. He's only gone and left his TV aerial up. Look out, Stevie! Too late. It's gone and the crowd of locals on the bridge are killing themselves laughing!
Bloody 'ell! Oo put dat thuz?
That's all we have from Wroxham Bridge – back to Roy in the studio.
Well, who'd a thought it. Scousegit scuppered at the first hurdle. That's almost as unexpected as Norwich City signing a new player. Next we join our reporter, Sally Chinzoid, in the aisles at Roys Supermarket for the Grokle Mania shopping-stopping competition. Sally?
Thanks Roy. We're here at Roys to see if our competitors can negotiate this tricky course and make it to the check-out. First to try will be Barry Ilkley Moor Bar T'at and his lovely wife Shelia, accompanied by their delightful children Little Bazzer and Stacy. First a word with Barry. Looking forward to this event, Barry?
Waz tha' ewe say? EE were lookin at the Cheerios. Oi, look Shelia, they sell Cheerios in Norfolk, just like at home!
Get awa' wi' ya!
Ere gill, sling ur trolley next to mine and clog up th' aisle so's Eye ken get a better look t'other side.
Yep these Yorkshire folk will be hard to beat. They've already got the real local shoppers blocked out while they look stupidly at the tin goods and drool a bit down their chins. Nice touch that. Back to you in the studio, Roy.
Thanks, Sally. Finally, for our last event we go straight to Roys car park for the Grockle Car Dodging. Our reporter there is local celeb, Wurzel Gumboots. Wurzle?
Ooh ar!! Dis shud be gud!! Grokles hv t'back inta parkin space – wi'ut hittin eneeee ting!!
Furst oop – Wee Jockie McDum.
Aye, yer camp as a row o' tents mann! Aye can't be arsed!! Ya nancy sassenach! Naff off!!
End o' story here Royston!
Thank God. Fancy a look at my nude photo of Delia?